Guest blog by Charlotte Andrews
Community Intern
You come home hungry ready to eat some leftovers after a busy day of class and find that one of your housemates grabbed it. Ugh, so annoying!
Living with roommates is an integral part of being a college student, and let’s face it– for many of us, this new experience can be challenging. Part of sharing a communal space and having housemates is learning how to deal with conflict, and addressing conflicts with your roommate / housemates is normal and healthy.
So, what do you do when these feelings of frustration and conflict arise? Here are 4 tips to help you turn those clashes into opportunities for growth and stronger bonds.
1. Set Your Boundaries
Your roommate cannot read your mind, so make sure you are on the same page about each of your non-negotiables for living together. Vulnerability is key during this conversation to ensure everyone’s needs are communicated. During your first week on-site, you will complete a Roommate Agreement form with all your housemates to ensure that you establish your boundaries together. It is okay to establish new boundaries as the semester progresses, just be sure to communicate these with your roommate as they arise.
2. Accept Differences
You have two choices when a roommate situation is bothering you: talk it through with your roommate, or move on. It is not beneficial to either of you to hold grudges or remember every annoyance they have caused. Bottling this negativity up will lead to a bigger problem. You may determine that what was bothering you is not worth talking to your roommate about, and you’d rather move on. That’s normal! Everyone is different, and uses their room / house in different ways. Take a deep breath and let it go if that is the case.
3. Talk it Out – Use “I” Statements
Conflicts are golden opportunities for transformation. Clear, honest communication is your magic wand. Instead of bottling up your frustrations, express them constructively. Instead of saying a “you” statement like, “You’re so inconsiderate for being on the phone so late,” try saying, “I understand with the time change it is hard to find time to talk to people back home, but I have not been able to sleep well at night.” Conversations that include the word “you” put people on the defensive, so by taking the focus off what the individual needs to do or shouldn’t do, you can address your concerns and needs in a way that invites your roommate to provide feedback and offer solutions to the problem.
4. Get Support
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you attempted to talk it out with your roommate and you haven’t come up with a conclusion that fits your Roommate Agreement, your Student Support Advisor can help you prepare for next steps in conflict resolution. They’ll use the Verto Values of compassion, vulnerability, responsibility, and transformation to come to an agreement. We want you to have a great experience in our community!
Remember, Vertoans, conflicts are part of life and living with others. By approaching them with compassion, aiming for transformation, taking responsibility, and embracing vulnerability, you can turn your shared space into a sanctuary of growth and friendship. You’ve got this!
Want to see if a Verto start to college can work for you? Apply today to get started.
*** Note: Specific programming and activities are subject to change semester by semester.
